


Aftermath

by australia_mate



Category: Handsome Devil (2016)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Gay, Idiots in Love, M/M, Mutual Pining, maybe smut?, set after the movie ofc, super gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:54:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24944191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/australia_mate/pseuds/australia_mate
Summary: Cause we all wanted Ned and Conor to finally realise they were in love with each other.-discontinued until further notice-
Relationships: Conor Masters & Ned Roche, Conor Masters/Ned Roche
Comments: 5
Kudos: 52





	1. After party

The shouting and drunk mess of the rugby boys crowding the bar would make anyone in quickly leave or go into the private rooms, but not Ned. Nope, Ned had to be here because of one very sly boy, the one all the boys were whooping about. 

Conor had somehow been able to invite Ned without the younger realising it was to the bar, but by when they got there, it was too late. Now Ned was awkwardly hanging out in a dark corner of the bar, far away from his former tormentors. Sure, after the whole winning the game partially because of Ned he was somewhat included now much more noticed than before, but Ned would pick to hang out with Conor over his classmates any day.

Ned sighed and relaxed his hold on the cup of water in his hand, seeing how white his knuckles were. Conor was dragged away from Ned the instant they set foot into the bar, and Conor mouthed to him to wait with apologetic eyes. But it had been 20 minutes already, and Conor seemed to have disappeared. 

Once more Ned swept his grey eyes across the room, a part of him hoping to see his best friend and another part of him dreading him. Ned set down the glass on a nearby table as he saw Conor walk back to his mates, slapping Victor on the shoulder, seeming to say something. Stuffing his hands into his jacket impatiently for warmth, Ned quickly deserted his spot and the bar, needing to get away. 

He felt a tad stupid. Of course, Conor would have a better time with his mates, it was his team. It was only Ned's team when he pumped Conor up on the boat, and so maybe Conor finally woke up from hanging out with someone as queer and feminine as Ned. Ned exhaled a shaky breath, watching the puff disappear, unable to suppress his hurt. 

Ned strongly ignored the voice of reason in his head, all too wanting to wallow in self-pity. Ignored how it brought up all the moments he shared with Conor, what they had gone through just barely a week ago, all the secret special moments they shared down in the basement. All he could focus on was his feet and the road, trying to look casual as he walked away from the bar. 

"Ned? Ned!" Ned froze in his spot, recognising instantly the voice. That smooth, gentle, sombre voice. Conor jogged up to him, and his eyes took in Ned's slow and hesitant movements. 

"Conor." He greeted, turning around. Ned lifted his staring contest from the ground to Conor, seeing the all too familiar grey jumper sitting snugly over his form and Conor's carefree grin. 

"Hey, so sorry about making you wait, the team really didn't want to let me go." God, how Ned could listen to Conor all day. Conor chuckled a little at his team, but soon slightly frowning at his friend's silence. 

"Ned, you alright mate?" Ned swore how those four words, just four fecking words and he felt ready to spill all his woes. "Well... Erm.." ' _Bet his rugby friends don't stutter, too busy being masculine. _' Yet Conor waited patiently, taking a few steps closer to his best mate.__

____

"It's alright, Conor. Just got a little upset, man, you deserted me basically. And didn't tell me it'd be to the bar, with Weasel and everyone." Ned eventually said. He cringed hearing his own words, saying it all out loud definitely showed how stupid he was thinking that night.

____

"Yeah I know, was a bit of a dick wasn't I. I just really wanted to bring you out from your little world into mine, y'know?" Conor said sincerely, rubbing the back of his neck. Ned only fidgeted in his spot, slightly shivering from the cold. 

____

The moonlight basked the two teens, illuminating Ned's favourite (which were all) features on Conor's face. "S'alright, I, uhm.." This time the words felt like they were choking him. Conor tilted his head, seeing how Ned's frame trembled. He saw how diligently Ned started to stare at the ground, refusing to look at him.

____

"Are you sure that's it? Tell me what I did, I'm sure it was unintentionally." ' _Tell me what I did... _' Ned repeated in his mind. ' _What he did was be so fecking likeable and handsome! _' Ned inhaled sharply at the unwarranted thought. There was a lot more to it than Conor deserting him, Ned knew that, but he wasn't ready to admit any of it. Conor, seeing no further response from Ned, sighed softly and brought a large smooth hand to his shoulder, another to his lower back, and gently pushing Ned into him.____

_______ _ _ _

Ned wrapped his arms tightly around Conor's waist, wanting so much to just cry, but the fear of disgust from Conor for being so sensitive bottled everything in his chest up. The past day's events were really taking a toll on him. There was so much running amok in Ned's mind, and he felt like a ticking time bomb. 

_______ _ _ _

He hadn't talked to anyone about it and was constantly reminded of that terror thumping in his chest as Ned ran down the highway from jumping out the car to find his best mate would forever be ingrained in his mind, but yet the relief that washed down on him finding Conor on Sirius wasn't enough to free Ned of the guilt of his past actions.

_______ _ _ _

He basically flopped into Conor, relying on his strong big arms to hold him in place, as he felt his bones go to lead. The hug felt so different than from before. Felt so comforting. Felt so... intimate? 

_______ _ _ _

"Ned, I'm sorry for inviting you here as I knew that my mates wouldn't let me out of their sight. M'sorry for making you wait." He whispered, his deep voice rumbling in his chest against Ned. It seemed like there was so much more Conor wanted to say. Ned gripped onto Conor harder, his height dwarfed by him.

_______ _ _ _

"It's okay.. m'just exhausted, can we head back to school?" "Definitely. The boys'll forget I barely hung around, they're all going to have killer hangovers tomorrow." Ned pulled back with a grin and met Conor's warm caramel eyes, nodding. 

_______ _ _ _

For a split second though, Ned felt some longing in his chest. Ned saw just how extremely attractive Conor was, and how ready he was to comfort him, and all of a sudden the hands grasping at his back and the strong chest he was being snuggled into felt like electricity striking up his spine. 

_______ _ _ _

But then the feeling was gone as soon as it came, leaving Ned to awkwardly regain himself and lead on his friend. 

_______ _ _ _

"Come on, then. Train won't wait for us." Ned quipped and turned, but Conor had something else in mind. As they started the walk in comfortable silence, he discretely snaked his hand with Ned's. If Ned noticed, the younger said nothing about it. Yet the squeeze Conor got and a thumb rubbing over the back of his hand told him otherwise. Conor listened intently to whatever Ned started rambling about, his free hand waving in the air for the dramatics. 

_______ _ _ _

Conor smiled fondly as Ned looked off into the distance, distracted by whatever. He looked down to their interlocked hands. Ned was gripping his hand tightly, and Conor got the impression he was scared Conor would let go. He squeezed back and tugged Ned discretely closer to him. 

_______ _ _ _

Ned went back into a ramble, a little stutter at the start, and Conor had the pleasure of seeing a little blush creep up his neck and onto his cheeks. The walk to the train went by faster than both of them would've liked.

_______ _ _ _


	2. Midnight reflection

Conor huffed in half annoyance, seeing Ned's sleeping form sprawled out on the couch. He had left for a bathroom break, and when he came back he was greeted to this lovely sight. Conor smiled warmly, however, recognising he should also go to sleep, Conor deftly picked up Ned's body. If he were in Ned's position, he'd wake up instantly. But months of sharing a dorm with the boy taught him that Ned could and would sleep through any alarm, any racket, with only Conor's wild jostling snapping him awake.

Hearing the soft snores escape Ned's lips had Conor adorn a soft pink blush. Conor broke away from gazing at Ned's sleeping face and quietly walked out of the graffiti-covered room and up the stairs, all the way to their shared dorm. 

As Conor finished tucking his friend into the squeaky bed, something he'd never admit to, he reflected on Ned's stuttering mess in the streets only hours ago. Conor felt stupid for setting Ned up like that, of course, Weasel and his mates would hold him back, why did he take that risk? 

Now all it got him was a hurt friend. He knew Ned forgave him though, all that they'd gone through built a strong trust, but Conor knew he could've handled it better.

That hug though... That fire in him at the contact. Ned's small body pressed up against him sent Conor crazy. He so wanted in the moment to card his hand through Ned's unbelievably vibrant hair, to cup the back of his head. 

And then the hand holding, feeling Ned's palm and fingers locked with his... God, Conor was so hopelessly in love with Ned Rosche and it fucking sucked. 

Conor sighed heavily while he double-checked the windows were tightly shut. Do no good to wake up in a -2 degree bedroom. Though Ned might want to snuggle with him... Conor's handle faulted over the lock, but he shook himself and took his hand away. 

He checked the alarm clock on his bedside table, and the red numbers glared at him '11:58'. Conor knew he wasn't going to sleep anyway for some time, so he plopped himself down at the end of Ned's bed, head in his hands.

How had he gotten up to the point where he was head over heels with his friend? Even such a little thing like what happened at the bar made himself feel like a failure, regretting with all his heart of making Ned feel that way. Conor so wanted to kiss Ned when Ned came rushing down the stands and onto the fields, but Conor held back, still scared of getting rejected.

But the way Ned's body snuggled and fit into him nearly felt like a kiss. It was scary, how the younger of the two was unknowingly doing these actions, these tiny actions, that made Conor want to pick Ned up and crash his mouth onto his. Now that Conor had a taste, he felt nearly addicted.

Conor knew Ned was bi, Ned told him a little bit after he outed Conor. But probably never for him. That was what sent him in a loop. Conor wrenched his eyes shut more, white noise ringing around him. It was so late, yet Conor felt like he had drunken 3 beers, there was this buzz in his head, an urge to do something. Conor puffed out an irritated breath as he rose his head to look at Ned. 

Ned was literally the definition of adorable to Conor. Everything he did, every anxious habit of his, every ramble he had, every single goddamn breath Ned breathed was brilliantly charming. Conor loved the way Ned would get into these passionate rants about how Elvis was the greatest singer of the world, his stormy eyes would light up and he would hush Conor if he accidentally interrupted. But they were friends, best friends, but still just friends. Nothing romantic at all, however much Conor wished for it.

Conor would love to feel Ned's lips against his own. Would love to hear Ned gasp against him, love to taste Ned. Just imagining proclaiming Ned as his, as his boyfriend in public made his heart jump. And once Conor got Ned, he would never let him go. ' _Only if Ned insisted to break up... _' Conor wasn't some possessive monster, yet he did have his moments he had to suppress.__

____

Like one time, Ned wore Conor's jacket for the whole day, not even realising it. There was something about seeing Ned wear a jacket that clearly did not belong to him, with the writing in full caps 'MASTERS' on it. That sent a streak of possessiveness and protectiveness in Conor, and that night, all he wanted to do was kiss the damn boy. 

____

But he kept holding back. He was held back by the fact Ned was never, never going to love him the way Conor did. At one point, Conor knew he had to get his heart broken. The only way to escape this endless cycle of pining was to tell Ned, and that would only end in more heartbreak. But thats what he needed. And it was the only outcome, right?

____

Conor slowly opened up his eyes, the weight on his heart too much to handle. He was not going to cry, but he sure felt like it. It was his fault for getting strung up on a boy that was the cutest and perfect person he ever met. Someone like that would never even give it a thought to date Conor, a loud, broken, hothead. 

____

"But I love you," He whispered, fighting back the monumental urge to rest a hand on Ned's cheek and carress it. Conor sighed, feeling a little bit better at having that get off his chest. He would take anything he could get, and he was more than fine with being Ned's best friend, his best mate, but Conor knew it'd be hard seeing Ned get a boyfriend or girlfriend in the future. 

____

They wouldn't know Ned as he does, wouldn't know all that Ned's gone through, wouldn't appreciate Ned's character as he does. Though Conor was worried he'd scare off then and Ned would hate him for that. 

____

Conor sent one more longing glance toward the sleeping redhead, before standing up and laying into his own bed. He tried to ignore the coldness of the mattress and the sheets, instead, curling into a ball and facing the wall. 

____

No way in hell would Conor do anything to jeopardise his friendship with Ned, and so that meant no more pining or daydreaming about things that were never going to be. ' _I'll get over him soon. I'll find my own boyfriend, better than Ned, and all this ache in my heart will go away. _'__

______ _ _

It would've been a good promise if it weren't for the fact that Conor knew for a fact he'd never get over Ned. Also the idea of anyone better than Ned was absolutely absurd.

______ _ _


	3. Sundays and stares

Ned blearily opened sleep crusted eyes, the back of his hands rubbing his eyelids. The window's panes let in the bright sunlight, hurting Ned's still waking up brain, but forced him to rise up into a sitting position. 

He didn't remember going back to his dorm. All Ned remembered was Conor going to the loo and then nothing. 'Oh..' The realisation of what must've happened washed over him, his ears turning a light pink. Ned turned his head and felt relieved seeing Conor's sleeping form. The thought of Conor carrying him, so close to him, all the way back to the dorm made his stomach do flips. 

Ned yawned, his eyes tearing up, and begrudgingly took off his very warm and inviting covers off of his body. He sat there, watching Conor's steadily rising and lowering chest. 'Last night...' Ned remembered his childlike hurt and felt embarrassed, 'Really had my head up my arse. Am 17, really should sort out my ignorance now.'

Speaking of Conor, he shifted underneath his blankets, groaning lightly. A ghost of a smile flickered on Ned's face, before disappearing as his distress returned full force. Why did he feel so full of nerves? Ever since the victory, Conor's bear hug still lingered in his mind. Ned swore when Conor looked back up at him, he'd never seen such a compassionate and joyful smile, and every time he remembered it, it always sent sparks rippling across his skin.

"G'Morning, Ned." Conor's tired gravely voice broke Ned's outer world worrying, tethering him back down to the brown-haired beauty. "Hey, Conor. Did you, erm, carry me all the way up from the basement?" He had to know, no matter how much he was starting to blush. 

"Yeah, you were pretty blacked out. What was I s'pose to do? Let you freeze?" Conor challenged, an easy-going smile that made butterflies fly around in Ned's stomach. "Let's go for a slow day, yeah? Still trying to catch up with everything that happened." Ned joked, masking the actual truth in his statement with sarcasm.

Conor hummed lowly in agreement, the sound music to Ned's ears, shifting up and resting his head on his hand. He caught Ned's eyes, looking through his bed hair. The same intimacy from before sparked in Ned as he lost himself in Conor's beautiful bronze orbs. The distance between the two felt like nothing. Ned felt his breath hitch in his throat, and all of a sudden the air was nearly crackling with electricity. Ned felt frozen, locked into place, as he felt his body wind up with anticipation. Maybe if they were standing, would he kiss-

Conor looked away, a discernible blush forming. He coughed into his hand and hastily stood up, wiping his hands awkwardly on his slept in jeans. "I-I'm gonna have a shower." Conor excused himself, his fringe covering the same eyes Ned felt immersed in just moments before. "Yep, right. Bye-" The word died on his lips as Conor shut the door quickly behind him. Ned exhaled heavily, feeling as if he had just run a mile. 

What was that? Why did Conor look at him the way he did? That soft gaze of adoration replayed over and over again in his mind. Ned groaned and flopped back onto his bed, knowing the moment that just passed was not something shared between 'just friends'.

"This is so gay." The words escaped his lips before he even registered them. He froze. 'Hang on..' Was he... Was he developing feelings for Conor? "Shit!" Ned cursed and ran a hand down his face. Of fecking course. This explained everything. His accelerated heart rate whenever Conor touched him, that electricity nipping at his skin, his sudden adoration of Conor's features. 'Damnit! Out of all people, you just had to go and choose Conor! Congrats to ruining the only friendship you've ever had!' 

A pitiful groan escaped the redhead's lips. There was no way in the whole wide world Conor could ever reciprocate his feelings. And Ned knew it was all going to go downhill from here. 'Stupid Conor with his perfect personality.' Ned whined in his head. Every weird moment where his head brought up less than appropriate thoughts regarding the rugby player made so much sense, how long was Ned in denial?

Before Conor came to the school, Ned had no friends whatsoever. He was the black sheep, every corner he turned he was met with boys going 'brrr' and the likes. Weasel was at his worst back then, no one had stood up to him. And then Conor came. Strong, tall, star quarterback Conor that actually showed an interest in Ned. He asked serious, no-nonsense questions. He was mature, albeit quick to anger, and quickly he became Ned's friend. He wasn't forced to. Conor did it on his own terms. Conor, the school celebrity, became fast friends with the presumed gay kid. Ned saw this as a stroke of luck, and it was obviously inevitable that he started having feelings for Conor.

But he hid them, buried them deep, never came to terms with them because of the fear. The fear that Ned himself would destroy the only friendship he had. Why would he, in the right mind, do anything that risked all he gained?

Ned nearly yelled out as Conor's alarm clock suddenly started blaring. His nerves already felt sky high. Ned grumpily trudged over to Conor's side, half a mind to rebuild their Berlin wall like at the start, and angrily hit the alarm clock off. He slumped onto Conor's bed, having no idea what to do. It was 6 am in the morning, a Sunday morning, and Ned had just come to terms with his gayness for his best friend. He ran a hand over the dissipating warmth in the blankets, Conor's scent washing over him. 

Ned gripped the flimsy blankets tightly and sighed. He needed to get Conor out of his head. How was he going to handle this? A best friend slowly becoming his crush. Conor, the quarterback, such a handsome devil, a guy so out of his league that somehow became his friend and now secret crush. Ned decided to leave his thoughts for later and stood up. Breakfast was going to be served in a bit, and he had to get ready.

Ned knew he could run away from his problem a little bit longer, he was so good at it it seemed like a talent to waste. Being quiet all your life made it easy to just continue being quiet.


	4. Coping

The day passed well enough, both Ned and Conor chose to ignore what had happened that morning. But all throughout the day, Ned couldn't stop himself from noticing all these little things Conor did. It was like once he finally realised his true feelings, the dam was broken and Ned was frantically trying to keep it from overflowing, lest he confesses to Conor. 

Now, Ned found himself hidden away in the basement, leaning against the wall and bopping his head slowly to Silver Springs. It was his favourite out of Fleetwood Mac, his mum always said, "Modern life is rubbish," as she turned up the music. It was his escape. Felt like his last tether to his mum, like he could hear her singing. 

He never vented to anyone about his mum. His dad wasn't there for him, cause he went instantly to dating once more, trying desperately to find other women like his mum. Then he found Ned's stepmom. And then they moved to Dubai, leaving Ned still trying to cope with the loss of his mother. So what if it happened long ago, he never got that comfort he needed to cope.

Ned closed his eyes and finally let himself go. He missed her so much. And now with the stress of holding everything in regarding Conor... "Damn." He muttered, not even believing the amount of bottled-up stress was possible to be literally soaking his body.

All these emotions. How was he supposed to deal with them? He hated this. He wanted Conor. Ned sighed out in exasperation at his minds betrayal, yet he didn't feel like fighting it. Ned wanted Conor as a friend to comfort him. He wanted someone to cry to, someone to hold him. Surely a boy could do that, was he allowed to cry? Would Conor be weirded out?

As the song came to a close, Ned went to reset the vinyl, but a figure came walking down the stairs, stopping at the last step. "Conor." He breathed out, his movements stilled and the vinyl started the next song, Little Lies. 

Conor stood there, his hair masking how attentive his eyes were to Ned. Of course, Conor would be here, Ned kind of avoided his only real friend subtly all day, and who else did he share the location of this place to? Conor. 

"Ned." The redhead felt flames licking at his cheeks and ears, and he knew he was blushing fiercely. Conor looked around briefly like he was assuring himself that it was just Ned and him, before casually walking towards Ned. How could you, when the tension was so thick you could almost see it? The song flowed around them, and Ned found himself repeating in his head, ' _Tell me lies. Please. Tell me it'll all be okay. _'__

__Conor towered over Ned, which made Ned blush even more if it was possible. He gasped minutely as Conor rose a hand and gently placed it over his cheek, almost hovering, like Ned was something fragile and precious._ _

__There was that electricity again. Ned looked up at Conor through his lashes, hands by his side, not knowing what to do._ _

__"Are you alright? You've been avoiding me since the morning. Ned, I don't know what's going on with you, but I'm ready to help however I can." ' _Didn't he experience what I did? _' Ned felt humiliated that he even thought Conor was affected by the morning. Of course he wouldn't be, Conor had no feelings whatsoever towards Ned.___ _

____Instead of giving in to his hearts desires of confessing everything to Conor, Ned chose to give into something else._ _ _ _

____"I miss my mum so much." He weakly said. 'Fecking hell, queer much?' Ned winced as soon as he said it, and he would've turned away if it weren't for how Conor trapped him against the wall. He couldn't trust his voice anymore. Conor's features softened, and his voice dropped to a soft whisper, "It's okay. You don't have to tell me everything, but I'm right here for you. Remember that, Ned. It's okay to cry."_ _ _ _

____Ned was shocked. Conor wasn't going to make fun of him? He actually cared? Maybe he should've known this, but their friendship had been so unstable over the few weeks, Ned came to the assumption they'd never be able to get past the awkward helping each other stage._ _ _ _

____"Ned... Come on." Conor stood back and held out his hand. Flashes of yesterday flickered through Ned's mind as he looked from Conor's eyes to his outstretched hand, before he took his friend's large hand, feeling his heart warm up at how Conor grasped his hand tightly._ _ _ _

____"Let's get out of here," Conor whispered, only caring eyes gazing down at Ned. There wasn't anything about mischievous about it, no ill intent. Conor really wanted to help Ned. Ned smiled softly and turned off the crackling vinyl, plunging the room into silence._ _ _ _

____But this time, there wasn't anything uncomfortable about it. It was more than comfortable, with Ned slightly leaning into Conor's side as he let Conor lead him wherever. As Conor walked confidently beside Ned, he took a secret glance. He saw his friend, Conor, but he saw more._ _ _ _

____Ned saw secrets, lots of them. He wondered what was behind his stern brown eyes. Before he could gaze on any longer, Conor turned his head and met his eyes. It felt like they were the only people in the world, as they walked down the deserted corridors together, all the boys being in the common rooms. Ned blushed and looked away, looking down to the ground. He heard Conor softly chuckle, which only made Ned's blush and embarrassment grow._ _ _ _

____"Where exactly are we going?" Ned tried. Conor shook his head, his smile growing. "Takes the surprise out of it." Conor did a quick up and down check on Ned, "You'll be warm enough." Ned rose an eyebrow, "Okay weirdo." Conor grinned at him and Ned felt like his knees were going to give out._ _ _ _

____That same bright grin every time made his heart most definitely skip a beat. Ned was so caught up in his own head that he didn't notice Conor leading him out through a door to the fields surrounding the boarding school._ _ _ _

____"Wait... Are we even allowed here?" Ned inquired once he realised the ground had become spongy and looked around, seeing the familiar grass planes. "I am, but if we get caught, I can always pass it off that I was just showing you the best kicks for a goal."_ _ _ _

____Ned felt a thrill run through him at the idea that they could get caught. "Right then. Is this what you're doing? Just showin' me the best kicks?" Conor rolled his eyes, huffing. "No you twit, still got a bit to go." Ned laughed and pressed himself closer to Conor, the evening air biting at his bare arms._ _ _ _


	5. Sunsets are better

It only took 10 more minutes before they got to the edge of the grounds, and there was a lake rushing by and down the hill, running off into the ocean. It was truly a magnificent sight, all the vibrant colours coming together.

Conor sat down on the ground, using a large oak tree as support, and patted the ground next to him. Ned obliged, a million thoughts racing by. If he didn't know any better, this could've be perceived as a date. The thought made his heart race.

"I found this spot when I kicked a footy too hard and was forced to go find it. It was sunrise and the rays looked amazing reflecting off of the water, and this tree just so happened to be in the middle of it." Conor explained, staring off onto the far-away rippling water. Ned hummed in acknowledgement, leaning into Conor's radiating heat.

The pier could be seen, and Ned was reminded of his thumping heart as he searched frantically for Conor. The boy staring dismally up at him, sitting down in the boat, was a far cry from the same boy right next to him.

"I thought this would be a better place to vent. Don't think I've forgotten about you." Ned sighed and rested his head against Conor's shoulder. "Been hoping you'd forget." He muttered. Conor grumbled his disagreement, and his hands found Ned's, pulling one and laying it on his lap. 'He's a big one on hand-holding, thats for sure. But it doesn't mean anything. Right?' 

"Well, go on then, vent to me." Conor shifted his head and looked down at Ned, who was watching the slowly setting sun.

"I... Don't know where to start." Conor ran a thumb over Ned's hand, with such affection Ned forgot to breathe. "I suppose at the beginning would be good." And then Conor's jest broke him out of his daze, and Ned scowled at his friend. "Very funny.." Ned felt Conor smirk. "But my mum..." 

And then Ned just let it all out. He unlodged his hand from Conor's and tucked his body against itself, bringing in his knees, and vented. An hour went by and Conor hadn't uttered a word, only dutifully listening. 

Ned explained everything that had happened, how strong his relationship was with his mum, how he regretted with every fibre of his being that he couldn't say goodbye, he just couldn't go into the hospital room and see her covered with wires barely holding on. He let out years worth of pent up anguish and guilt, not even feeling the slightest bit embarrassed as he started to shed a few tears. His hands curled into fists as anger bubbled in him at his inability to act, and his father's actions. 

"-and it just goddamn sucks, Conor, knowing that my dad was just so easily able to move onto another woman, not even fucking honouring his own wife properly!" Ned bit out, his body shaking in rage. He hated himself, he hated his father, he hated that his mum had to die. 

Ned turned to Conor, tears spilling freely down his face. "Why did she have to leave me? What did I do wrong?" He pleaded, his anger leaving in seconds to be replaced by suffocating sorrow, but knew full well Conor wouldn't have an answer.

Conor sighed and scooted forward silently with his lips pulled into a line, and gently coaxed Ned to stand up. The trembling boy did, and once they were both up, Conor instantly engulfed Ned in another one of his bone-crushing hugs. Ned's eyes widened, and his hands held tightly onto Conor, and thats when the dam really exploded. His body racked with sobs as he cried into Conor's chest.

Conor stroked Ned's flaming hair gently, with such tenderness making Ned cry more. He never realised how he felt so alone, and now with just one small act of comfort made him breakdown further. Conor kept whispering words of comfort to Ned, not even caring how his grey shirt was progressively getting wetter.

A few more minutes passed and Ned had no more tears to shed. Now, he clutched onto Conor with all his might. Conor's strong arms lifted up Ned, earning a squeak from the redhead, bringing him up to his level, with Ned wrapping his legs around Conor's waist. Ned snaked his arms around Conor's neck, resting his head on his friend's shoulder. 

He didn't care about the position they were in, only the safe and warm atmosphere Conor created. Ned never wanted to let go, and he guessed briefly in the back of his mind that Conor didn't want to either. 

"If it means anything, I really am sorry about your mum. No one deserves their parent to be taken away from them so soon." Ned lifted his head up from the crook of Conor's neck and smiled warmly, "Thank you, it means a lot." He whispered, his throat sore from all the talking. Conor smiled back at him, and then his eyes went out to the horizon. "Look." Ned followed Conor's sudden diverted gaze and met one of the most stunning views he'd ever seen.

The orange blazing sun was steadily lowering itself below the horizon, the sky and its clouds mixing with pinks, blues, and oranges. The sun shined on them both, their skin turned a golden hue, and Ned found an equally stunning sight when he saw Conor in his peripheral vision. 

Conor's eyes glinted in the sunlight, his hair being blown out the way by a wayward gust of wind showing off his features on full display. Ned found again his breath catching in his throat.

Being held like this... With Conor grasping him so... Conor noticed Ned's stare to himself and met his gaze, tilting his head curiously. This time, instead of shying away, Ned held the eye contact. He felt his body rising in temperature, and he pressed his flushed body closer to Conor's, straightening himself and dipping his head slightly. 

Conor's eyes widened at the sudden closeness, and Ned could feel his hot breath on his neck. Ned lowered his head more, flickering to look at Conor's inviting lips and his dark coffee eyes. "Ned..." Conor murmured, his hand trailing up Ned's back and resting on the back of his neck. 

Meanwhile, Ned felt like his heart was going to burst out of his chest. His head was screaming at him to stop, to push himself away from Conor before he ruined everything, but Ned didn't care anymore. He needed to do this. He had to do this. Even if it could end terribly. Maybe through the haze of the cathartic dopamine he got from his pent up vent had given him this confidence, given him the opportunity to ignore all the reasons as to why what he was planning to do was the stupidest thing in the whole world. But right now, all Ned could focus on was the overflowing, extreme love in him to the boy holding him, and god, Ned needed to express it.

Ned slowly started to close the gap between him and Conor, his parted lips brushing up against Conor's. Conor closed his eyes and pressed their foreheads together, which made Ned airily gasp, his anxiety shooting through the roof. "Can I kiss you?" Ned murmured so quietly he doubted Conor even heard him. But from the sharp intake of breath and momentary tightening grip on his sides gave him all the heads up he needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> actually made me laugh when i realised this ends in a cliff hanger, sorry!


	6. Large hearts

Conor met Ned's gaze as he noticed Ned staring at him through the sides of his vision. There was this glint in his eyes, the stormy silver of his eyes darkening. Conor knew he made a risk of holding Ned like this, so maybe Ned was realising it and was angry? Conor only did it so Ned could feel entirely safe, but he couldn't blame his friend to having a less desired reaction. Conor cocked his head to one side, wordlessly speaking his little confusion and curiousity.

But Ned continued to hold the gaze, confidence seeping in that Conor had only seen a few times. Conor felt a spark alight in him, and the air felt like it wasn't getting to his head as Ned continued to gaze on. Ned's eyes seemed to flicker with uncertainties and worries, before it settled on something, settling with determination.

The redhead suddenly pressed his body up against Conor, getting impossibly closer, making Conor feel on fire at the contact. The smouldering flame in Conor that he so desperately ignored blazed up into a giant tornado. Ned's face hovered close to his own, and Conor was internally freaking out, feeling a mix of trepidation and passion. 'Is he going to kiss me? Is he looking for something? Do I go for it?' Conor would be so pissed if Ned was toying with him. 

Ned dipped his head slightly and Conor's heart nearly stopped beating. He could hear Ned's soft pants, his flush body against him, his hands in his hair. In this position, all Conor could see was Ned's red cheeks, his parted lips, his astronomically beautiful eyes, and the stupid eye-grabbing orange hair. 

Conor saw Ned's eyes dart between looking at his lips and then back at him. 'He..' "Ned..." Conor tried to continue, but his throat closed on him. He felt hot, could hear his blood rushing in his ears, it felt so surreal.

Conor trailed his hands up from Ned's back and rested them just on the back of Ned's neck. He wasn't fully sure what was happening, but he welcomed it. Ned dipped his head and their lips brushed against each other. 'Oh my god.' Excitement shot up Conor's spine. Electricity blinded him. 

Conor closed his eyes and pressed their foreheads together, and satisfaction bubbled in him hearing Ned's breathy gasp. "Can I kiss you?" Conor's heart felt like it was going to explode at the needed consent Ned had to have. Conor tried to nod but felt stuck, yet thankfully Ned understood him. 

Ned mustered up all his confidence, took the plunge and pressed his lips up against Conor's full ones. His mind went white as they stayed still for a moment. Time felt like it stopped.

It took Conor's brain a solid second to process what was happening as Ned started to fervently kiss him, but once it set in, Conor gripped Ned tightly against him and kissed back just as hard. Ned's lips were irresistibly soft, so warm, Conor instantly felt addicted. Conor's hands found themselves tucking under Ned's shirt and travelling up and down his bare back, eliciting a shiver from Ned which had Conor over the moon.

The kiss was fast, desperate, intense, and it was meeting Conor's dreaming expectations to every mark. Ned's hands got intangled in his hair, tugging Conor further into the kiss. Conor tried to pour months of hidden away adoration into the kiss, tried to show himself completely into the kiss.

His control was slipping, and his passion was rising, as Ned actually groaned into the kiss, and it took all of Conor's self-control to not just slam Ned up against the tree and explore every bit of him. Hearing Ned's almost moans through the kiss did not help him, but Ned's slowing down movements against his lips managed to simmer down his accelerating fogged mind.

Conor's grasp on Ned was so tight that for a brief moment he worried about bruising the boy. Though it quickly got washed away as Ned arched his back further into his chest in delight as one of Conor's hands moved up and tangled itself in his flaming hair. Never had Conor been so grateful for his accumulated strength he acquired over rugby allowing him to hold Ned for so long.

Ned pulled back reluctantly, unable to ignore his need for air anymore, and opened his eyes. Conor's darkened caramel eyes gazed back at him through his hair, the side of his face brightened from the ever-darkening sky and setting sun. 

"Wow..." Ned breathed out slowly, a giddy smile forming on his face. He panted quietly against Conor's neck, which sent goosebumps all over the older's arms. He slowly grinned back and loosened his hold on Ned. 

"So.. I assume that you like me?" Conor winked playfully after catching his breath. Ned blushed, "Well, I don't know if you learnt anything from that snog I just gave you but... Yeah." Conor nodded and tentatively lifted up Ned's shirt a little to see his sides, and saw the slow bruising already taking place. 

Ned followed his line of sight and gasped, but not out of fright, there was something that stirred in his gut seeing how Conor left an imprint on him. "Sorry about that-" Ned pecked Conor's lips with a mischievous smirk which shut him up instantly, "Don't worry. I expect to see more, in other places." Now it was Conor's turn to blush darkly at what Ned insinuated. 

"Do you wanna be put down now?" Conor asked, trying to ignore Ned's soft laughs at his reaction. "Well... It'd look pretty odd for the other boys to see us like this... So, regrettably, yes." Ned unravelled his legs iron grip on Conor's waist, promptly being set down with the utmost of care from Conor that made Ned nearly swoon. 

"What are we, then?" Ned asked as Conor interlocked their hands again and led the redhead back to the school. "Boyfriends, if you want," Conor replied easily, looking forward. Ned was not expecting that and sputtered slightly in disbelief. "B-But.. You..." 

Conor paused in his walking and faced Ned. "Ned, I like you. A lot. I have for some time now, and I wasn't actually ever going to tell you. Though, what you just did, has changed things." He said sincerely, "However, don't feel pressured. If you want to take things slow and test the waters first without the label-" "No, I want to be boyfriends." Ned interrupted. 

"...I've liked you too, a lot. I really only actually came to terms with it this morning, but it was always there, hidden away from whatever problem I had to deal with next. I knew I was going to have a crap time hiding it, and with you holding me, right after you let me talk your ear off, everything came down on me like a flood and I just had to do it." Ned confessed, shyly looking down at the ground. 

Conor gently lifted his chin up and smiled, before pressing a long kiss against Ned's. It was so sweet and kind, and warm, it had hot tears sting the sides of Ned's eyes. All this unadulterated love was being spilled into this kiss, and Ned was loving every second of it.

"I'm very glad you did decide to act on your heart, Ned," Conor whispered as they pulled apart. "Now, I know if we stand out here anymore, we'll either catch a cold, or the teachers will get our asses into major trouble for staying out this late, and I know you don't want either one of those options. So come on then, boyfriend." Ned blushed quickly at the title and nodded, meeting Conor's fast stride.

"That was my first kiss you know." Ned off-handedly said, smirking at Conor's stutter in his walking and slight wide eyes.


	7. Secrets

2 weeks had passed, and another Sunday rolled around. Not much had happened in relation to the school, but the two explored a lot of the possibilities of what they could do in their relationship. Ned and Conor kept their relationship tightly under wraps, mostly to Conor's insistence. Ned knew Conor was fully for taking their relationship public, but there was this fear Ned saw in Conor as well, and he knew he was just felt scared to do so. Ned had never asked why, never feeling right in the moments they shared.

He knew it'd be a matter of time before his classmates found out, Victor and Wally were becoming a bit suspicious already. If Ned decided to become public, the two of them would be the first he'd tell, Conor had gotten Victor and Wally pretty close to Ned. 

Though being wrapped up in Conor's arms with his legs entangled with the older in his bed made him file away the problem for his future self to deal with and curled more into Conor. Ned buried his head underneath Conor's chin, and silently sighed contently. Still, it nagged him in the back of his mind. Ned closed his eyes in the pitch black room. He listened to Conor's steady breathing, focused on listening for his heartbeat, tried to calm himself.

Ned frowned as the pit of butterflies stayed situated in his stomach. There were so many cons outweighing the pros to coming out as a couple, Ned thought he was done with the subject. How long had he stayed awake, mulling over the problem? 

"Conor... You awake?" Ned whispered, drawing back and watching for any reaction. He wanted his opinion on the matter, even if it was so late into the night. A deep set groan escaped Conor's lips as he stretched slightly, squinting open his eyes. "Now I am.. What's happening?" He mumbled out through the haze of sleep, a hand squeezing Ned's shoulder.

"Erm, well, I've just been thinking..." "That's dangerous." Ned huffed and giggled before swatting Conor's chest, "Seriously?" Conor grinned drowsily before sobering, "Sorry, continue." "I've been up for some time and I.. You won't be mad, right?" Ned realised. Conor always got a bit closed off when he ever tried to bring up the subject, and a bit more irritable afterwards. Ned didn't want him to get up and go into his own bed if he did get mad, the night was so cold and Conor was so warm.

Conor shook himself more awake and propped himself up on his elbow, with a slight frown. "I promise I won't be mad, Ned." He took Ned's hand in his own. Ned exhaled shakily, which only added to Conor's concern, "Okay then. I can't get to sleep because I've been thinking over becoming.. public." Ned waited in suspense for his boyfriend's reaction.

Conor sighed tiredly. Ned felt cold anxiety wash over him, and he instantly started to back track. "It's j-just been playing over and over in my mind y'know. I'm sure I'll get over it soon, but-" Conor cut Ned off by placing a slow kiss on his lips. 

The redhead shuddered and moved closer, shaky hands gripping Conor's. "Baby.." No matter how many times Conor uttered the nickname, Ned always sported a sudden fierce blush. "I understand. While I would like to show everyone our relationship, I don't want you to be under anymore fire for being queer and all that. You had it bad enough when the bullys didn't even know what your sexuality was. I care about you, and if you truly want to go public, could we at least wait a few more weeks?" 

Ned contemplated Conor's suggestion, and realised it was probably the only one Conor would greenlight, so slowly he nodded resolutely. A great deal of relief flooded over him, yet a cold ball of dread formed in his gut. Now that they could go public, it opened so many avenues for anxieties and self-doubting to come in. "Alright, we can.. Thank you for listening." Ned muttered, before curling slightly more into Conor's warmth and solid chest. 

Conor only hummed in reply, wrapping an arm around Ned's small body. Ned tried to sleep as he felt Conor drift off, but he just couldn't. He felt.. worried? This was such new territory for the redhead, and he was scared he couldn't live up to it. Would he be a good boyfriend? How can you even be a good boyfriend? What even was the definition? Damnit, all of this made Ned's head hurt.

Ned sighed out and brought the shared covers more up to his shoulders. It'd be okay, this was also new for Conor, right? Ned frowned, thinking about it, had Conor been in any relationships prior to joining the boarding school? Ned slowly realised he knew next to nothing about Conor's past. 

Conor, much like bringing up the going public idea, closed off and refused to talk about it. What had happened that was so bad? Conor didn't seem to view his father in the greatest light, and mentioned next to nothing about his mother. 'I shouldn't wake up Conor again, maybe I could bring it up tomorrow...' The confrontation made his stomach churn, however. 

Only recently had Ned found himself comfortable in his own skin, much to Conor's help, and was still figuring everything out. He spent so long alone and bullied, it seemed like there was nothing else possible for Ned. 'So many unknown variables..' It would be better to sleep, instead of mulling over everything. 

Still... Ned silently groaned in fustration. He shouldn't worry too much about it, he'd figure it out along the way. Besides, he always had Conor to lean against. They were boyfriends for a reason, to care for each other on a much more intimate level than friends. Yeah, he could do this. No matter what happened, he'd stay by Conor's side because the damn boy stole his heart. 

With that confessed, Ned finally felt at peace enough to go to sleep. Thank goodness it was the weekend, be in trouble for sleeping through the classes if it weren't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the wait, school and other interests in other personal stories kept me occupied. Now, the next chapter I do intend to have, but I'm going away for a mini holiday between Thursday and Sunday. My apologies as the next update might be on Monday or Tuesday.

**Author's Note:**

> Should I write a smut? Theres only 2 fics that have mild smut, and though this fandom is superrr small, I'm just wondering.


End file.
